


bite your tongue

by syrenhug



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Abstinence, Anxiety, But only a little, Cheerleaders, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Flirting, Friendship, Genderfluid Character, Height Differences, It might get a bit kinky folks, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Oral Sex, Other, POV Alternating, Sexual Tension, Team as Family, Vixen!Neil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 20:18:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10771680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syrenhug/pseuds/syrenhug
Summary: The door pops open. Forest and Roxi walk in. Say in unison, “Hello, Harry, we thought we heard your dulcet tones.”Neil almost laughs. “Stop quoting Harry Potter.”“Stop throwing tantrums and we’ll consider it.”“Ouch.” Marissa hisses. Neil stares at her until she goes back to examining the cursed bows.





	1. dreamer

**Author's Note:**

> [flicks off lights] welcome to heaven hope you enjoy your stay 
> 
> now playing: dreamer by charli xcx 
> 
> words: 
> 
> illecebrous: (adj.) enticing  
> ludic: (adj.) full of fun and high spirits  
> irenic: (adj.) promoting peace  
> lilt: (n.) a pleasant gentle accent  
> nepenthe: (n.) something that makes one forget their sadness  
> meraki: (n.) to do something with love or soul

 

* * *

_Neil_

“No way.”

Marissa sighs from her spot on the bed. “Neil.”

“There’s no way. Orange and white? That’s a joke.”

“Missing black and red?” Katelyn says, crouching in front of the mirror to apply her eyeliner. He doesn’t blame her for making it a priority. Many things can be forgiven but smudgy, uneven eyeliner is not one.

He rolls his eyes. “No, just basic fashion sense. Orange doesn’t belong anywhere near me.”

“And I agree.” Katelyn spins around. “But we already had this fight about the uniform and managed to get white with orange lettering just because you made such a fuss about it.”

It’s probably a testimony to his I-get-what-I-want attitude that he did, indeed, get what he wanted. But he didn’t make a fuss. Only made a few comments every practice about how ugly they were.

And maybe said something to the dean passingly.

“Fine. Look like Donald Trump for all I care.”

The door pops open. Forest and Roxi stop in the doorway and simultaneously say, “Hello, Harry, we thought we heard your dulcet tones.”

Neil almost laughs. “Stop quoting Harry Potter.”

“Stop throwing tantrums and we’ll consider it.”

“Ouch.” Marissa hisses. Neil stares at her until she goes back to examining the cursed bows.

“Anyway,” He continues. “Do whatever you want."

“God, you’re such a Capricorn.” Forest shakes their head. Neil raises two fingers in a peace sign and blows a kiss that Forest and Roxi pretend to fight each other to catch. It makes him smile. What dorks. 

"Fuck. Whatever. I'll wear the fucking bow. But don't get mad at me when I make fun of the Orange Notes." 

Katelyn bites her lip. "Deal." 

* * *

 

“We keep running into each other.”

Neil flicks his eyes to the student center ceiling. He tries to avoid the Foxes as much as you can when you cheer for their team. But #4 - Boyd - looks at him like he’s, well, cute. Yikes. “And we also keep walking away so let’s try to continue that.”

After a few seconds, he flicks his eyes back and the man smiles. It lights up his eyes, makes him look even cuter. Freckles, lean muscles, decent sense of style. Even his skin is pretty - brown and smooth without a blemish in sight. He probably doesn't even have to moisturize. 

Neil wants to die.

“I’m Matt.” A hand extends. 

Neil doesn’t take it. “I know who you are."

“Well, I don’t know you.” Which is - really fucking offensive. He’s pretty sure that at least 90% of people at Palmetto know of him. Being the token genderfluid kid has it’s pros and cons. He doesn’t know what face he’s making but Matt laughs. "I'm kidding. Nice to see you, Neil."

"Yeah, you too, I have something to do, bye." He practically runs the other direction. 

* * *

The dining hall is a mess of gamers perched in their square of body odor and people talking too loud or not at all. The Vixens have one of the best tables, far away from the tables seated close to the non-athletes. Neil had to stare down about a dozen juniors and seniors at the beginning of the semester just to make it known that the area was theirs now.

Katelyn is writing a paper that’s due that very day, shoving Pringles - original, like basic bitch she is - down her throat so quickly Neil gets dizzy watching her. He can relate. That’s exactly how he is on his period with sour patches.

“That’s pure salt, Lynn.” Marissa remarks.

Neil’s best friend barely pauses in breaking part of another Pringle and crunching obnoxiously. He catches Roxi’s eyes and they both lift the corners of their mouths and then go back to eating their fruit. “So?”

“The Losers are coming over.” Forest announces before Marissa can lecture Katelyn on her sodium intake. They’ve all heard it before. But Neil watches his team. Knows their bodies almost better they do, almost better than his own. The way you do when you can’t see yourself without looking in the mirror. Everything is about perspective.

Neil pointedly stares at his nails. Eventually he hears a loud clearing of the throat and he looks up.

“Neil -”

He stops her. “Captain Neil.”

Jessica’s nostrils flair. “Captain Neil. We have a proposal. My mom can coach us. She has experience. She lives nearby. It'd work out perfect."

Neil pretends to consider it. “Sure.”

Jessica perks up. Neil feels bad for her. Kind of. “Really?”

“No.” He laughs.

The Loser Squad got their name because they decided pretty earlier that they didn't want anything to do with Neil. He's pretty sure it's because of transphobia but he's also the type of person who accuses vending machines of transphobia when they eat his change. The point is, Neil isn't responsible for this division. And they're losers for not acknowledging the work he does. Jessica, trying - and failing - to compete with him with her 2nd flyer position, is his biggest headache. 

"Why not?" Grant, Jessica's main base, asks. 

"I have it covered. Don't worry, sweetie. It should all be resolved soon." 

They all go quiet, Leslie trying to urge Jessica to say something but obviously she's unprepared so they file out of the hall with squeaky shoes and nothing won. 

"And I thought I had it bad. Did you see her nails?" Forest breaks the silence. Katelyn breaks another pringle in half before chewing and Marissa flinches. 

"Goodness gracious." 

* * *

 Neil wakes and instantly knows it’s a woman day. She mentally plans her outfit like always does but adds the black crystal necklace (for the Vixens) and the she/her button (for everyone else). She gets up to burn a cigarette, a tribute to the Ultimate Bitch - her mother. 

Her phone rings.

“Bonjour? Who is this?” She answers just to be a dick. Obviously it’s her uncle.

He answers her in French. “Hello, demon child. Who are you today?”

“I’m your niece.”

“And a beautiful one at that.” Stuart croons, his accent more rough than usual and she feels freshly laundered sheets inside. Despite her bad blood (literally) with her parents, her uncle has always been supportive. Not just financially, but emotionally.  

“Nat,” Stuart voice suddenly quiets. “Gordon is dead. By Riko’s hand.”

It’s not as if she feels any deep sadness for the homophobic trash pit who was way too good for Allison. But he was a fifth year, one of the original members. This is as pointed as the blades Neil hides in her drawers. 

“Of course that’s not the official story. Overdose?”

Stuart hums. “You always knew Riko well.”

Of course she had. They’d grown up together. Her, Riko and Kevin had played house when they were small. Neil and Kevin were always mom and dad, Riko the child. Eventually, he’d rebelled but Neil had always had a willful personality and combined with the small crush she'd had on Kevin when she was younger, there was no convincing her to let him take a turn. Being the spoiled brat he was, Riko had snuck scissors from his house - safety because they were five and he didn't want to get in trouble - and cut her long hair. 

That dickhead still wasn't forgiven. He was lucky her hair grew fast. And that Neil's father didn't kill kids. Or not one's of the families he did business with. 

"I'll handle it." She assures. 

"Little one, you have to make a choice. There are no friends in this game. Only allies." 

It's good advice, one she won't disregard. 

* * *

 Being part of the Vixens is different than being part of the Ravens. With the Ravens, it was hard work and no play. Ever. Even the cheerleading team was ruthless. Sometimes she misses it. The strive for perfection, to be the best. But if anything, one thing in your life that you love should be fun. Enjoyable. 

“We’re stretching. Bow and arrow, right now.”

Everyone groans.

“We stretched last practice.”

"Yes, Leslie, that's why they call it practice. Go full out."

She hears someone laugh but doesn't turn to look. She plays some music to get them motivated, eyeing their movements as they run through a scorpion, heel stretch, then a needle. 

After they're done and she's made them suffer through laps and a two stunts, everyone files out and Neil sits down on the bleachers. Katelyn pivots, knocking a shoe against her ankle. Neil hisses because _ouch_. 

“We need to be worrying about having a coach. We all know we barely need one, but appearances matter.”

“I have it taken care of, Katelyn.” Neil says, voice rising higher in defense.

“I know.” She softens. The light in the gym turns her hair a near golden blonde. Neil loves her. More than she thought she could ever love someone else. “I’m just moving you along. That’s what best friends do.”

Neil puts out her hand, palm tilted slightly to the left and Katelyn grabs it, interlocking their fingers. They get up together and walk out the gym, foot-steps in sync. Left, right, left, right. Katelyn giggles when she notices it. Just like always. 

“So let’s talk about #4 trying to date you." She teases and Neil groans. Friends are annoying.

* * *

 

Wymack is a tired looking man with tattoos with a scruffy beard. He's also a huge teddy bear/saint inside, if the fact that he can put up with any of the Foxes is an indication. 

“Josten.” He says, leaning back in his chair. Neil isn’t fond of strange men, probably why he doesn't talk to half the people on earth, but everything about Wymack screams _coach_. The type of person who knows exactly how to make you better. "What can I help you with?"

 


	2. weaker girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having a mom is weird because he’s not sure how it’s possible to love someone so much that you can’t stand to see them, to hear their voice. His mom is funny, sharp with freckles in the same spots as his own. Maybe they’re too alike. Or maybe he’s too much like his father in that he disappoints her just by not saying enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't like writing sports scenes cause yuck but i do [clenches fist] love bi matt who has complicated mental health issues and problems connecting with his mother 
> 
> also consider: neil is 5'3. matt is 6'4. your welcome my frans, my guys, my girls, my nb peeps. God is real and so is matt/neil
> 
> now playing: weaker girl by banks  
> words:  
> ephemeral: (adj.) fleeting  
> diaphonous: (adj.) light, translucent, and delicate  
> balter: (v.) to dance gracelessly, but with enjoyment  
> apricity: (n.) the warmth of the sun in the winter  
> susurrus: (n.) whispering, murmuring, or rustling  
> orphic: (adj.) beyond ordinary understanding

 

* * *

  _Matt_

“How’s it going, Mattie?” His mom asks, static making her voice shaky. Just like their relationship.

“I’m good, mom. It’s all okay over here.”

“You say that every time.”

He closes his eyes. “Don’t worry about me.”

“You're my son. I have to.”

Having a mom is weird because he’s not sure how it’s possible to love someone so much that you can’t stand to see them, to hear their voice. His mom is funny, sharp with freckles in the same spots as his own. Maybe they’re too alike. Or maybe he’s too much like his father in that he disappoints her just by not saying enough.

But he loves her so much. You make sacrifices for people you want to protect even if it hurts.

“Mom, I have to go.”

She doesn’t say anything for awhile and then lets him leave the conversation. There’s really not much else to say. It’s not like this doesn’t happen every Thursday.

“I love you, Mattie.” The planting is obvious in her tone. She's still waiting for him to sprout, blossom into a flower she can water and sing to when she isn't boxing. He panicks because he hates this. He doesn't even like gardens. 

He deflects, the words rushing out so he can hang up. "You too." 

Matt sleeps in his truck that night.

* * *

 “It’s game night!” Matt hears as he turns the corner. Neil is there with her squad, dark hair tied up with an orange bow, her cheer uniform freshly pressed - a clean white with orange lettering screaming _Vixen_ on the front. But obviously the first thing he notices is a black crystal and the she/her pronoun pin over her white bomber.

She looks him up and down, but it’s almost lazy. Bored. “What do you want, Boyd?”

“Your number.”

One of her friends snorts. Neil’s eyes, once opened wide in fake cheer, are now narrow. They’re a cold blue. Not the type of blue that they tell you about in stories: sky or ocean, but closer to the translucency of glass. He shivers.

She seems to decide something. “You didn’t answer the question correctly.”

“I didn’t know there was a correct way to respond.”

She nods. Reaches to pull her ponytail tighter and fuck, the weirdest things can turn Matt on. “Come talk to me when you can give me the right answer to my question, buddy.”

And she doesn’t walk away, but just shifts on the balls of her feet. Pretends like he’s already gone. It’s a clear dismissal and he feels like he’s given an offering to the queen and been found lacking.

Well. He guesses it’s not too far off.

* * *

 The game is mess, but somehow they still get there.

It's not hard to defend when you know what you're protecting is worth it. If there's even anything to protect.

He asks himself often, watching them all struggle to put themselves together enough to resemble something like a team, _is this worth it?_

 _Maybe,_ he breathes, hearing the Vixens cheer. Dan putting her hands on her knees to catch her breath. Allison is obnoxiously chewing on her gum because Kevin told her to choke on it. Not exactly a love fest. They all want each other to die just so they can kill each other again.

_Just maybe._

* * *

 (“Stay away from Neil.” Kevin states. It doesn’t sound like a warning. Still, it rubs him wrong.

“You don’t get to tell me who to stay away from, Day.” Because Matt can be civil with anybody. It's part of him, the ability to get along and laugh, smile, be an acquaintance, if not a friend. Kevin isn't even half as scary as he might think he is. All meow and no claws.

But Matt has his truck and a mother he tries to pretend doesn't exist so that he can breathe during the day, sleep at night. At least it's better than a boy with a collar in the form of a number 2 on his cheek and no master to show for it.

Kevin licks his lips. "Maybe not. But I know Neil. She’s not as tough as she likes to think.”

He grins, shrugging a shoulder. “Something you two have in common, then.”

And Kevin goes pink, the tips of his ears turning red. God, boys are cute. Matt is so bisexual. “Shut up, Boyd.”

He mimes zipping his lips. Kevin runs through his laps even faster than usual.)

* * *

The party after they win is loud enough to have Matt wanting to go to his room and curl into bed. But all the Foxes are there, even Andrew - which is weird but who is he to judge? Dan smiles at him before she goes to get a drink. He grins back because it's easy to be sweet with Dan. Nothing about how they are with each other is a fight.

The Vixens are dancing together. Neil is in the middle, pressing her hips into Katelyn to _I'm a dreamer, stab stab out the Beamer_. The others form a protective shell around them. He turns, for some reason, and catches Aaron looking. For a few seconds, they lock eyes and then they both turn away, pretending not to have seen anything. Matt doesn't want to die, thanks.

Eventually, after an hour of mixing drinks for the hell of it, he drifts to the bathroom to pee and comes out to see Neil leaning on the wall, texting. She notices him and crooks her finger. He leans down - ear to mouth - to hear her better.

"What do you want, Boyd?" She repeats. Her breath smells of Trident Tropical Twist gum, coincidentally his favorite flavor. Matt decides there's nothing lose here.

"You."

Neil smiles, a small concession. Raises on her tippy-toes. Sometimes he forgets that he's over a foot taller than her. _Small but fierce,_ he thinks.

“Right answer.” She rasps and, interestingly enough, both of them kiss each other. He opens her mouth with his tongue and the sound she makes is as soft as her skin. Matt's palm finds her hip and squeezes. She doesn't make the sound again but leans back instead, keeping her fingers tangled in his hair. "Give me your phone."

Matt does. Watches her tiny, chubby fingers as they slightly struggle to input her number. She's so cute, he's upset.

"Shut up." She says when he takes his phone back, lip gloss still immaculate. "Your phone is like, huge, but your keyboard is small."

"You're small." He retorts and Neil scrunches up her nose. Lightly punches Matt on the arm. It doesn't really hurt but he pretends to stagger.

She seems to find his dramatics even more annoying. "Fight me, nerd."

"Time and place?"

Neil kisses him this time and they make out against the wall for awhile, only stopping when Neil's squad comes searching. Later, in his dorm room, he looks in his contacts. Grins.

 

* * *

 As shitty as Seth was, Matt didn't want him to die. Matt knows what it's like to feel expected to be trash and never having anyone to tell you that you don't have to be that way if you don't want to. It doesn't excuse anything the guy did, but it's a reason.

And Allison saw that reason in him. You don't want to know that shit just for kicks. It's always easier to hate someone than love them. So he goes looking for her. Locates her perched on a bench in the middle of campus. She has shades on even though the sun is nowhere near shining. He sits down next to her.

He wishes the universe, the world, treated women better.

"What a piece of shit, huh?" Allison states, finally.

He can't help it - he laughs. And she does too, but it comes out like arrow shooting concrete. All the Foxes are prey turned predators. It's what life has given them in return for all the hurt; a second chance. But it's up to them whether they seek revenge or peace in return.

"I really loved him. Can't tell who's more pathetic, really."

"He was there when you needed him. That's not pathetic."

She pushes her shades up just to examine him. Matt wonders what she finds. If it’s anything worth digging into himself. She hums and pulls down her shades again. The sun suddenly shows itself. He squints, turning away.

Allison sighs. "You're not so bad, Boyd."

He'll take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a week off so i'll try to see how much i can update depending how much positive reinforcements i get #psychmajor 
> 
> wow i'm a nerd bye

**Author's Note:**

> (the vixens)  
> the loser squad  
> leslie - back spotter  
> rachel - secondary base  
> grant - main base  
> jessica - 2nd flyer  
> taylor - front spotter
> 
> the cool squad  
> marissa - main base  
> katelyn - back spotter  
> neil - captain of the vixens, flyer  
> roxi - secondary base  
> forest - front spotter
> 
> i catch my own mistakes i promise. love you all xx 
> 
>  
> 
> [talk matt loves neil a lot to me](https://syrenhug.tumblr.com)


End file.
